By Nov. 1, most parents are already trying to figure out what to do with leftover Halloween candy.
Does your parenting style affect early childhood development?
Some parents would answer with a very definitive yes, but Dr. Michael Milobsky — a pediatrician and founder of Pediatrics At The Meadows in Castle Rock, Colorado — has a different take.
And it has parents everywhere choosing sides as they let their opinions be known.
In a TikTok video posted on Aug. 17, Milobsky argues that the “peak influence of your parenting in terms of your child’s behavior is from zero to seven.” But after that, a parent’s influence drops significantly.
@dr_mikem I give out tons of advice to parents every day. As a parent of 7 kids and a Pediatrician of 25 yrs, this is the most important . It surprises many parents of young kids when I say , but if you have grown children - you will know how true this is #pediatrics #pediatrician #fatherhood #parenting ♬ original sound - Dr. Mike Milobsky
“After age 15, that drops to about 6% — and after age 21 it’s essentially zero,” he added.
Milobsky went on to explain that the best decision a parent can make to impact their child’s future is the environment they grow up in — including their peers, the school they attend and community they live in.
He also argues that genetics play a bigger role than parenting in the child’s overall outcome in life.
“I give out tons of advice to parents every day. As a parent of 7 kids and a Pediatrician of 25 yrs, this is the most important,” he wrote in the caption.
“It surprises many parents of young kids when I say, but if you have grown children - you will know how true this is,” he added.
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Milobsky credited Dr. Russell Barkley, a clinical psychologist and recognized authority on attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), for his perspective on what truly matters in childhood development.
According to Barkley, a child’s personality traits are assigned at birth — and not influenced by parenting.
“Children are born with an incredibly complex set of traits encoded in their genetics, which unfold as they grow, traits that have nothing to do with you as a parent,” Milobsky said in an interview with Today.com.
Milobsky isn’t the only pediatrician who feels this way
Milobsky’s take on parenting came just six days after a fellow pediatrician shared something similar.
In an Aug. 11 video posted on Instagram, Dr. Meghan Elizabeth Beach Martin, MD — a pediatrician and mom of four — opened up about the stress many parents feel in the early years of parenthood.
“We stress ourselves out so much as parents, especially of infants and toddlers, and the decisions we make — what we’re feeding, how we’re feeding,” she said in the video.
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But do those decisions really matter once a kid grows up? According to Martin — not really.
Martin went on to say that spending quality time with your kids, reading to them, talking to them, and “loving on them hard” will go a long way in helping them learn the ways of the world around them.
As for Milobsky, he hopes his parenting advice gives parents the ability to feel more at ease over their parenting methods.
@dr_mikem Here is the 1 thing I would do different if I had young children now…. #pediatrician #pediatrics #parenting #redshirtboy ♬ original sound - Dr. Mike Milobsky
“I hope this gives you the ability to give yourself a little grace and permission to forgive yourself, and to recognize that not everything is your fault,” Milobsky told Today.com.
“It’s easy to blame themselves when things go wrong, thinking they didn’t parent perfectly or follow every piece of expert advice. The truth is, it’s not your fault,” he added.
As far as Milobsky is concerned, parents should focus on a “fairly narrow” set of responsibilities that includes “love, warmth and nurturing.”
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“Outside of that, much of it is already downloaded,” he added.
