“She has become a little girl that I don't recognize right now.”
As students return to the classroom, one mom with a powerful story is sharing her best back to school tips for parents.
Nicole Hockley, whose 6-year-old son was one of the 26 Sandy Hook victims who died in the 2012 mass shooting in Connecticut, wrote an essay to other parents as the new school year begins.
In the essay, published by Today on Aug. 25, Hockley opened up about the things she has learned since the tragedy her family, and many other families, experienced 13 years ago.
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“It’s the daily conversations — at the kitchen table, driving in the car, or checking in each day after school — that give us the greatest opportunity to connect, listen, and support our children,” she wrote.
“These conversations aren’t just meaningful — they can be lifesaving,” she continued.
Hockley’s son, Dylan, was in the first grade at Sandy Hook Elementary School when a 20-year-old former student shot and killed 26 people, including 20 students between six and seven years old and six adults.
The shooter had also killed his mom prior to arriving at the school and later killed himself, per CNN.
“I know firsthand the devastating impact that can come when warning signs are missed,” Hockley, who also has a son named Jake in college, wrote in her essay.
In January 2013, just one month after the tragedy, Hockley and other families who lost loved ones in the Sandy Hook shooting united to launch Sandy Hook Promise.
According to its website, the organization aims “to educate and empower youth and adults to prevent violence in schools, homes, and communities.”
“Dylan should still be here today. Maybe he’d be heading back to college, packing up notebooks and clothes in that way that only teenagers do,” she wrote of her late son.
While she admits that she won’t “get that future” with Dylan, she uses her experience to help “spare other parents the heartache of ‘what if.’”
Sandy Hook mom shares her best back to school advice for parents
According to We Are Teachers, nearly half of all public schools in the United States reported start dates before Aug. 16, while 35% returned to school between Aug. 16 and Aug. 31.
Only 16% go back to school after Sept. 1 and 2% of schools run on year-round schedules.
In her essay, Hockley stressed the importance of prioritizing a child’s mental and emotional wellness as they prepare for another 180 days (on average, per the Pew Research Center) of school.
She advised parents today to give their children breathing space after school.
“After a long day of overloaded senses — loud hallways, socializing, academic stress — kids need space to unwind,” Hockley wrote, adding that it’s best to let the child choose how they decompress at home.
She recommended using a “feelings check-in” on a one-to-five scale to better gauge how they’re doing.
A 2024 report by the Center for Digital Thriving found that 81% of students surveyed reported feeling negative pressure in at least one of the six categories they presented, according to Harvard.
Those categories included future plans, achievements, appearance, social life, friendship and activism.
Hockley also challenged parents to “be an emphatic guide” in their child’s digital world and to help “build their confidence in social situations.”
“It’s easy to focus on rules for screen limits. It would be even better to talk with our kids about what they are seeing online, who they follow, and how the content makes them feel,” she wrote.
According to the AACAP, “children age 8-18 in the United States spend 7 1/2 hours a day watching or using screens.”
As for their social life, Hockley says parents should help their kids “create connection (and) belonging” so they can help fellow students feel more included.”
“It’s essential to instill the confidence to be an upstander instead of a bystander,” she wrote. “Even simple phrases like “That’s not OK” or “Want to sit with us?” can make a difference.”
“Belonging doesn’t require grand gestures. Kindness isn’t complicated,” she added.
Last but not least, Hockley encouraged parents to help their child find other adults they feel comfortable talking to when things get tough — including teachers, counselors, coaches, etc.
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“Every child needs a trusted adult they can turn to. And it can’t just be you,” she explained in the essay.
